Today I am optimistic and it’s hard to know why. Maybe it’s because I made it through my last 5-day course of chemo and only was sick on the first night. The dose was increased to 350mg from 280 and that was enough of a difference to cause me to be ill.
Today, there may be a number of reasons for my optimism. I have work for the first time in a month. It has been slow and it’s very worrisome because the bills just keep coming. I have an appointment for a facial with a friend. I never get them and a little pampering is always a good thing. The sun is out! …and that is a huge factor! I feel things changing yet I am not even sure why.
Spring is only a month and a half away and I can feel the optimism. Valentines Day is just around the corner and that is always a time I enjoy. I love all the red, the white paper doilies, the chocolates, and a reason to celebrate just one single day. It was a tradition to make cards with the kids and send them to all the aunts and uncles. Little by little, and over the years, that list has shrunk until now there are two cards to send – one to Jan and one to Eva.
I am thinking of planning a trip. That’s what I want to do. If I could travel, I would go to Italy, Spain, France, England. If I could, I would travel to my heart’s content! If it were possible, I would stay for months at a time and just come back long enough to check things out at home. I don’t know why, but I always want to go east. Mostly to Europe. I think I would be happy there.
I love to think about travel – it frees my mind.
Today I’m taking flowers over to my friend’s because it’s the one-year anniversary since their son died. This is something you never want to share with another family – the loss of their child. In this case, he was only 31. It has brought us closer, but still I always feel so helpless to know what to do to help. After 6 years of losing Lea, I know there is not much I can do to help, but an arrangement of flowers does help with the sorrow of loss. Their beauty allows me to get lost in the moment. As I take a deep dive into the flowers and imagine joy, it helps ease the sorrow.
Today I’m going to get on with life, enjoying this dose of optimism. I feel more alive today than I have in many months.