on being the patient

I didn’t realize how long this all would take and frankly I’m pretty tired of ‘being the patient.’

I went into the hospital July 21 and now it’s November.

Lots of appointments, radiation and now increased dose of chemo for the next 6 months to a year. Of nine vaccines for the clinical trial, I have done 4. These will go until February.

The shots are painful and before the shots I need to have my vitals taken, blood drawn, an EKG, and then the shot. It’s an entire day at the hospital.

I am grounded here, wings for travel clipped. It can be very lonely despite all the people who are checking in on me and showing up for me.

I have always been looking forward in my life to something. Now is is time to settle into the ‘day by day’ but I am restless.